"Shut your ass"

Things just went from bad to super bad!

Can't stand this anymore. I feel so trapped. Trapped and confused about my own thoughts and feelings, what I should do and want to do, about love and hate.

I'm reaching the limit of what I can take. I can't do this anymore.
The fucking constant guilt feeling, the bad self esteem, the fucking constant fights, the harsh tone, I just can't take it anymore.

I was asked today if I was coming to a family easter lunch -thinger. And as soon as I said no, I was yelled at, so ofc I got angry and was then told: "shut your ass". Wow. I don't know what to think. What makes a parent use those words when talking to their child. I am simply in loss of words and thoughts.

I've got so much anger in me, I don't know what to do about it. For every day that goes by, I get more and more anger, and the love I'm supposed to have for my family is replaced by what feels like hate.

My life seems like it's just one ... bad/evil circle (or what ever the english expression would be. Danish: ond cirkle). Too much bad stuff going on, and almost no good stuff. Argh

Well, I decided I'm going to make a video blog soon, telling what my actual problem is, since many people don't know what is actually going on, but just my feelings.

>.<'
I need something good to happen to me! :(